Sep 112019Most people think that using a flogger is a piece of cake but it is not!
Flogging is ultimately supposed to be gratifying to both parties.
As the rest of the toys you are planning on using with your partner, You Need To Learn And Practice, Practice, Practice.
You can practice from hitting the wall at first, then turning to a small object such as a pillow or a teddy bear but always focusing on where you are going to strike and the intensity you are going to apply.
Safe Word.
It is very important before using a flogger on your partner for the first time to establish a safe word. Most important is to pay attention and stop when it is said. Some people think they can take the pain, but the truth is that most of them will be using the safe word before they know it. A flogger looks like a harmless toy but it is not. It has to be used properly not to hit spots that can’t be injured deeply.
In addition, pertinent medical or physical problems should be made known before beginning.
Where to Hit.
The upper back on each side of the spine but stay off the spine to prevent injury to the vertebrae and related tissues.
Hips, Upper Butt, Legs, Chest, etc.
A tip for you: Avoid swinging it, by varying this motion you can control how much of the tails connect with the skin.
Avoid Wrapping.
Wrapping, is when the tips of the tails wrap around a curved part of the body such as the shoulders, torso, butt or legs. When you do it, the tips accelerate and it increases the pain tremendously.
Targets to be careful with.
The butt for example. It needs higher precision because of its size and roundness to prevent unnecessary wrapping on hips and inner areas. Also avoid hitting the tailbone.
The thighs can be flogged but should be done with extra attention to the power in wrapping.
Parts of the body to avoid while Flogging.
The kidney area, shouldn’t be flogged except maybe with very light, miniature floggers. Stay away from all joints of the legs and arms, and the head and neck should never be flogged.
Also be aware that there is a big difference in flogging someone in the standing position versus lying down.
How to start to Flog.
if you have more than one flogger, use the lighter one before going to the heavier one.
Go from soft to hard blows or alternate.
Try different areas so each one of them has some time to recover.
Flogger and blood.
You should learn to use your flogger very well and this is one of the most important reasons why I mentioned in the first paragraph to Practice thoroughly. You do not want to cut your partner, you do not want blood on your flogger. But yes mistakes can happen, if so:
Whether you have more than 1 partner or not, after a small amount of blood on the skin appears, you will clean the skin and use a bandaid. But what should you do with the flogger? That is a different story and a process about how to clean it.
You do not want to ruin the leather of your precious flogger so you have 3 choices:
a) Most blood or body secretions on leather will quickly be absorbed, but any that is still wet should be wiped with a dry cloth while wearing a glove. Then before using the flogger on another person it should be hung to air-dry in a warm, dry place for at least one week– AIDS and hepatitis viruses will be killed by then.
b) Some would suggest cleaning the tails with a cloth moistened with a fresh solution of bleach mixed 1 part to 10 parts and then waiting 10 minutes before using the flogger on someone else.
c) A few may suggest both the bleach solution and then drying for one week, but this may be more than is needed. On the other hand, we are talking about AIDS and hepatitis, so personally I would choose this third option.
I hope this article helps you and remember Practice makes Perfect!
Sep 062019Be grateful for everything that gets you through the day with your submission. If you are given tasks by your Mistress, thank her for the privilege of serving her.
Look for opportunity; her needs are your needs, her wants are your wants. As her submissive you won’t have any expectation, instead you will show gratitude for whatever she gives you.
Moreover, being grateful for the duties she assigns to you is a way to acknowledge that her enjoyment is your joy and that you love to satisfy her requirements.
Thank you Mistress! As a submissive or slave, you will repeat this three words constantly. You will say thank you Mistress not only for the good things but for punishment and corrections too.
The more grateful you are to your Mistress for the penalties and advice she gives you, the stronger you will become in her love and strength.
Learning and growing takes time, energy and patience but its not only for you but for her as well. She will decide the best way to teach you, she will decide when to correct you and she will also decide how to punish you if you deserve it.
As you see teaching can be even more exhausting and challenging than learning. Your Mistress is giving you that gift; take it, appreciate it and take advantage of it.
Don’t disappoint her, if she chose you is because she knows you can learn how to satisfy her needs. She is giving you Purpose!
Jun 132019
People choose a BDSM lifestyle for different reasons. Someone might be attracted to it because of a book, a magazine, a movie, heard about it from a friend etc. Most people like BDSM to experiment with control. A Mistress as a Master enjoy being in charge, having the control and power over others.
Why do submissives like this lifestyle? For a submissive, having control over your life or your body taken away can be very exciting. The uncertainty about what's going to be done to you, regardless the safe word you can use to end the scene; has still a psychological effect. That uncertainty and fear that comes from giving up control is a very powerful feeling.
Surrendering control to another person is a very "freeing" experience itself while responsibility is often stressful. By giving up freedom, a submissive may feel "freed" from responsibility and therefore freed from the stress that comes with it, if only for a moment.
Why do Dominants (alpha) like this lifestyle? Having control over another person's life or body can feel very empowering. The knowledge that you now have power over someone else, and they will not only willingly but gladly submit to your will, can be very exciting.
So now that we established what the Dominant wants and what the submissive needs, let's talk about TRUST. For a submissive, being able to Trust someone so deeply that you are willing to literally put your life in their hands is very romantic. For a Dominant, having someone in your life who is willing to give you that kind of Trust can be profoundly moving.
Fantasy is another big element of BDSM. We call it role-play; one is in power and the other is powerless. Fantasy and role-play are probably the most common forms of BDSM out there, because it has such an obvious appeal. Even people who are horrified by bondage and D/s can usually see the appeal of role-play in the bedroom.
Last but not least there's the remaining aspect of BDSM; the enjoyment of inflicting or being in pain (commonly referred to as S&M). It plays into both the control and the fantasy aspects of BDSM. Often a BDSM scene will involve the submissive being "punished" by the Mistress/Master for some reason and it may also involve a fantasy to justify it.
Jun 052019
To have a better understanding on how to be a great Mistress, I have always said is by being a submissive. You will learn by being dominated what is expected from you and that will help you to know what to expect from your submissives when you become the one to Dominate. After serving for months a very strict and experienced Master I learned what has to be done, what to expect, how to guide, to teach, to approach to rule, to succeed.
It was not my place, I am no submissive so I was miserable each day I spent at his service; but the teaching was incredible. After I left him I started training with the implements, reading books and being mentored by other Mistresses. “My experiences as a submissive also gave me a first hand look into the psychological elements of domination.”
“We all walk around with our walls up, only showing others safe glimpses of ourselves. It was exhilarating to see what happens when people are willing to be vulnerable.”
After all my training, I became a Real Mistress. But what does being a Real Mistress means?
In BDSM, a Mistress is a woman in the Dominant position of a relationship. She is the one in control of the submissive partner, and she owns and has complete and utter dominance over her partner. Those that she controls must always address her as Mistress (unless she chooses another term of power), and she is known to be the supreme leader of her relationship, making decisions for herself and her sub without question or resistance. Her slave will work hard to serve her every need, always thinking of her first, worshipping her as if she were a living, breathing Goddess.
Now while this may seem a different relationship structure to those outside the community, it is not nearly as dangerous or assuming as it may seem. While the Mistress does indeed have control of her relationship, the sub below her entered into the relationship with full consent, and most of the times this sub wants nothing more than to be in her presence, serving her every need.
This type of power exchange relationship fills a deep need for the sub, and the only way they can find true happiness and satisfaction is by being in a relationship where they are completely dominated. While there may be situations where the Mistress does exert her control and power harshly; typically she does so in a way that is meant to better the relationship and create happiness and harmony for herself and her partner.
A Real Mistress is a Caring Mistress!!!
Jun 032019
During the years I have been living a BDSM lifestyle as a Mistress, I have heard the same question over and over. What is the difference between a slave and a submissive, Mistress?
Beginners, curious, submissives, slaves; everyone has been looking for a straight answer without all the big explanation and the extensive list of examples we have read on books, internet, magazines, articles, etc.
So after an extensive research I came up with the perfect simple answer:
Submission
The submissive decides how much authority, how much control and what aspects of his/her life will surrender to the Dominant's command. At any point the sub is not comfortable with this arrangement, it is within their rights to say: "No, I won't to do it"! This doesn't mean that the power dynamic between them will change, it means they need to renegotiate the agreement.
A submissive chooses to submit and has the option to say "NO"!
Slavery
The slave accepts the commitment to obey. When a Dominant order is issued, whether or not the slave agrees with it, he/she will do exactly as told.
Also, in slavery a person gives themselves control to the Dominant as is humanly possible. This means not only a high degree of obedience, but to a mutual understanding of ownership and property status that arises between the parties. While both slaves and submissives are often referred to as "property", in slavery the slave becomes literally (by mutual agreement) the property of the Owner.
A slave commits to obey. A "No" becomes a dealbreaker.
A submissive has the choice to submit every time a demand is given to him/her. A slave makes a one-time choice to submit, up front, and thereafter to obey.
